runnin' since monday, the 28th of march, 2022.
this site brought to you by: a nerd
Published on 2023-09-01
So, after much radio silence from myself, much procrastination, and an incredibly turbulent course of time, I'm finally back, and finally editing this blog, again. And on a new domain, too. Pages.gay is where I'm live from now, although, you can probably read the URL, and you've recognised that fact.
Well, it's less a question of what I've been doing, per sé, and more what's been happening around me that just so happens to take up a similar amount of time as me being busy would entail. Largely, it's been a whole host of illness-related goodness; I am now officially a sufferer of CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), and I am therefore about as energetic as a depressed anaemic slug on most days. That's the primary medical status update on the docket - there's been several more that aren't as easy for me to joke about, nor do I feel like revealing intimate details regarding what liquids are squirting out of what places they shouldn't, but I have been undergoing rather a few issues, to put it lightly, on that front.
What also ended up happening was that something that I've been participating in for half a decade finally fell through - those who know, know, and otherwise, it's none of your business. As you can imagine, such a long-term devotion collapsing and ceasing to exist any longer was, to put it bluntly, fucking soul-crushing. I had seen it coming for a while, but when the time eventually came, it just hurt all the more. I've thankfully had support from both my amazing friends, and my therapist, and I am now far less sad and I'm ready to get the ball rolling on some fun times again.
In less depressing news, I've also been attempting to jump through the 14,248 required hoops for the British government to supply me with welfare money because of my crippling inability to do much of anything. Although saying there's only 14,248 hoops may be my generosity showing. I don't know who laundered enough money to where I need, like, 5 forms of ID to open a bank account, nor why one of those cannot be my original copy of my birth certificate, much less why the government would then also need each of those when I evidently must have had them to make the pissing bank account, but I suppose that's neither here nor there. What does matter, is that I'm now receiving that pay, and frankly, I've been living a decent, if occasionally tumultuous life off of it.
Well, really, mostly what I was planning for anyway. With a few exceptions: one, I cannot even guarantee a content cycle once every three months - to do so would creatively exhaust me, and just regular-old exhaust me, as my illnesses are now such that if I have to do any task, no matter how tiny or trivial, for an extended period of time, I will need to rest for 40 moons. Or possibly just have a nap for a few hours. For similar reasons, the video-making will also be retired for the time being; I attempted to start a clips channel for me and my friends (shoutouts to Srafhouse), and the editing process of just those (mostly) tiny clips was such a gruelling, exhausting process for me, that I had to discontinue that - and that's just a case of using the cut tool a given number of times. Actually editing a proper video? Fuck, I'd not even have the energy required for me to blow my brains out, but I would certainly think really really hard about it and see if my brain exploded for me.
I will admit that, even though I thought this content scale was recognisable, it simply wasn't, at least not from my current position. My days are difficult, and sometimes just life itself is tiring enough to where I need to rest every two seconds. I apologise for this broken promise, although something tells me that nobody except me is going to be losing any sleep over it, which is really funny and ironic if you think about it.
I will also say that I have archived all of my old blog posts. As mentioned on that index page, as well as each post, those posts are largely not reflective of a lot of my stances on things currently; I mean, hell, for one, I'm a dirty Windows user again instead of a dashing rogue who uses Linux, so there's, like, three of those articles immediately invalidated. I will keep them there for archival purposes, but just take them with a grain of salt as you read them.
So! The revised plans for this website are as follows:
No, really. I can't guarantee when I will be able to update this blog, nor the size of my posts. As much as I would love to say that I could slam out large pieces like clockwork, I really can't, and so a lot of these posts are going to shrink in size, and in numbers. That's not to say I'm never going to be frequent or long-form again, Christ knows that given enough time, I can chip away at larger pieces - the only issue is, I will need time. And I can't promise how much.
Wow, this has been reading really sadly, hasn't it? I do apologise; here, to make it up to you, take peak.
In conclusion, this site is back, in some new digs, and I'm able to write here again. Just how much I will do, God only knows, and even he's having a bit of a head-scratcher. Thank you for your patience, and thank you for reading!
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